Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Fight with my weight

On daily basis I fight against my eating-disorder ED-NOS. My whole life changed with this disorder. Every week I'm going to tell you about the ups and downs and the most important thing: my weight

This week was really hard. Like, I have the idea that I have eaten too much fat things. I think I have to lose my weight again. Or better said, my mind thinks that. Sunday was a good day, because we had a delicious lunch! One of my favorite dishes, so I ate a lot of it. But after that I was feeling guilty. I thought: Why did I eat so much?! Yesterday and today were terrible. Yesterday I was sick, so breakfast was terrible and I didn't get lunch. The dinner of yesterday was good. So that's a little light in the darkness. But this morning when I had to eat breakfast, it felt not good. It was difficult to eat, I don't know why actually. This morning was also the morning to weight myself again, so let's see.

This time, I wasn't nervous. Strange, because I'm nervous all the time when I have to weight. I looked at the display and I saw that I'm exactly 44KG! That was the weight I had my flag on 2 or 3 weeks ago!! Like, my flag stands on a lower weight at the moment. I know it isn't good the put the flag more down, but it's the disorder who's doing that. I have to go to the hospital in about 2 months and I'm very nervous. Like, my parents don't know about my disorder and I want to speak alone with my doctor. I hope that my mother will understand that I don't want to have her to be at that talk. It's really hard you know? And I don't want my parents to know about my disorder, because I'm afraid that I don't dare to eat anymore. Maybe it sounds strange, but for me it's the best that my parents don't know.

I'm curious how it's going next week. Stay tuned!

Oh, and don't forget to leave questions for the item questiontime what will be post this evening! 

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh, wat vervelend allemaal meis. Ik weet wat je bedoelt, het is niet je eigen intentie om dit jezelf aan te doen, maar de 'handicap' in je, heb zelf borderline dus je vecht soms tegen jezelf! Ik wil je in ieder geval heel veel succes wensen en je mag altijd met me praten, ookal ben ik nog een nieuwe bezoeker voor je, je weet me te vinden hoor! ^_^ Liefs en een dikke kus!